“Are you having triplets?” – a random man in Chapters about my father’s age trying to be funny.
So you’re saying I’m enormous?
“If you feel wetness down there, that’s your water breaking.” – the same random man in Chapters.
Um, thanks tips. And why are you even thinking about my “down there” old man? That’s just gross.
“They say that if you’re pregnant with a girl, she steals your beauty…I think you’re having a girl.” – my friend’s sister moments after he introduced me to her.
Wow. Thank you. You must be blessed with many daughters.
“You’re having a girl because your face filled out like a balloon.” – our neighbor.
And you must be socially ostracized because your common sense filter is missing.
“Wide load coming through.” – a professional 40′s-ish women in the elevator attempting a joke as I walked in.
Are you expecting me to smile after a comment like that? (I gave her nothing but an uncomfortably long, blank stare).
“I never want to get pregnant. I don’t want to get fat.” – a female relative.
Are you calling me fat? Well clearly you’re new to the birds and the bees theory – this belly isn’t from a lack of exercise or poor nutrition, it’s a… (wait for it)…BABY!
“You’re not going to have that baby here are you?” – a real estate agent during a property viewing.
Well seeing is how I can control the miracle of birth, you better believe my delivery location of choice is at a property that I don’t own in front of strangers.
Seriously, how can people be this dumb?
I wish I had actually responded to these comments with a clever retort, but each time I was so shocked by the audacity of people’s words, that all I could muster was a mute, deer-in-headlights expression.
What is it about pregnancy that makes people think I’m immune to hurtful/stupid/inappropriate comments?
I truly do not understand this.